The Fallacy of Honesty

When I last posted (about Clarion rejections) someone pointed out to me that my post sounded kind of "snarky", which wasn't what I had intended. I briefly considered writing another post that said "I didn't mean to sound 'snarky'", but then I thought, "Fuck that." This is my blog, and I'm going to be honest. (Honest about my thoughts as I write them, I mean.)

At first, I tried to keep this blog strictly professional. But that's boring. It's really boring. I curse and I rant and I ramble and I post when I'm nearly delirious from lack of sleep and too much coffee. I assume that I'm just talking to myself most of the time and I think this space has started to reflect that. It will catalog my successes and failures, my arrogance and my narcissism, my moments of weakness and insecurity and I'm not going to apologize for it, and I'm definitely not going to apologize if I offend someone. It's my blog, bitches. Don't like? Don't read. (That was meant to sound "snarky".)

My ego may be the death of me...

My decision to apply to Clarion San Diego and Clarion West was very sudden and spontaneous. I had read mentions of the workshops before but never actually considered going myself. When I saw that the deadline was approaching I thought, "Why the hell not?" It wouldn't hurt to apply anyway. After I applied I was very nervous about getting in. (And you can assume it's just my ego if you like, but I'm damn good and honestly, I expected to be accepted to both.) I wasn't nervous because I might NOT get in, I was nervous because of what it would mean if I did. Like the money that I would have to try to find, because I sure as hell don't have an extra 5000+ laying around, and the time away from my family, and the time away from my novel.

For me Clarion would have been a vacation in which I wrote. It was not that big of a deal to me. I only recognized one writer at each workshop, and had only read a book by one of them. I also felt like I might have trouble taking some of the authors seriously, best-selling or not. I had been giving it more thought as I waited to hear back and was seriously considering declining if accepted. The more I read up on the workshops, the more it seemed that they are meant to be a learning experience. Which in itself is not a bad thing, but I feel that I've learned all I can, from various sources. Every book or magazine or interview or video that I find that "teaches" writing is teaching things I already know. It's very repetitive, and kind of annoying. I don't want to spend money to have people tell me things that I've learned on my own.

So, as you can see, I wasn't all that upset to be rejected. I was bummed, but because I had been rejected, not because I couldn't go. Do you follow me? I had expected to be accepted to both of them. So not being accepted stung a bit. I don't know why I wasn't accepted, they do not give you a reason, so I choose to believe that it was because I was too good. I have done enough and learned enough on my own. So I would not gain as much from the workshops as someone else may. Arrogant? Yes. But I am that confident in my abilities. For me it's just a matter of time. The workshop would have been fun, if I were able to go, but I don't need it.

This may just be my ego talking, but time will tell.

The Fairy Tale Thing

I'm sure everyone has noticed that fairy tales have come back, again. (Maybe the retelling trend never actually went away. I must have been dozing.) I wrote an alternate version of Snow White for an anthology (Still no word on acceptance/rejection) and since then I have been thinking of writing the other versions I have had in my mind for years. I tend to rant about the Disney versions (because that's what I'm most familiar with) and now I am realizing that there just might be a market for them.

I have already written the Snow White one, which focuses on the "Evil Queen" and her "Mirror". Now I'm considering writing my version of Cinderella. In my mind Cinderella is a crazy girl who thinks she is a witch. She thinks that she has magical powers and she "talks" to mice and rats. The "Evil" ones are actually very concerned for Ella, (I think she calls her self "Cinderella" because she thinks it sounds cool or something, who knows why teenagers do anything right?) and they are always giving her chores and errands in an attempt to fix her back into reality. They are often thwarted by Cinderella's desire to stay up in the dirty old attic with the rodents.

I think that it could also be fun to write a different version of "Sleeping Beauty". I have always loved Maleficent. She was my favorite. I guess I felt sorry for her. She wouldn't have been such a bitch if the others had invited her to the party. I mean, she is a fairy too, and obviously a powerful one.

"Little Red Riding Hood" has been done to death of course, but if I were to try to rewrite it I think I would give Red a schizophrenic personality making her both the girl and the wolf. That's just off of the top of my head, typing as I think, so it's probably a shitty idea. I find that frequently the ideas that come quickest are the ones that everyone else thought of first. But I guess you have to get past the shitty ideas before the good ones come forward. (Maybe it's a muse thing. If you are lame enough to be placated by a lame idea, then it saves her (or him) the trouble of coming up with good ones.)

I'm going to be up all night again, maybe I will work on one of these stories, or maybe not. I'll definitely be writing something.

I keep my crazy on the right.

I applied to Clarion and Clarion West and now I'm going to go insane. Of course I've been busy with other things, real life drama, writing, researching, procrastinating, planning, etc... But it's still there in the back of my head, towards the bottom I think.

Muse (A Poem)

(Sometimes) It's hard to be a muse.
Inspiring creation, lacking direction.

All you do, is for her.
And when she moves, she glides;
propelled by the gentle wind of your sighs.
And when she speaks, she whispers;
and it's only you who hears her.

Without you, she would float away.
Forever outside of reality.
Call her a ghost, call her a leech,
call her a shadow, call her a slave.
Call her bound, and she shall be.

Espresso and Popcorn

Puscifer was amazing last night, and Carina Round, an artist that I was previously unaware of, was fantastic. I'm definitely going to pre-order her new CD as soon as I can. (I'm watching her website for the opportunity.)

I try to keep this blog for creative type things, but I had to mention Puscifer because music is a large part of how I create and...it was great seeing them live.

I wish we could have afforded the Wine Package. Someday I'm going to whore myself out like Maynard does. <3 Wanna hang out with me? Well, it'll cost you, bitches.

It's about time for an update...

I have finally finished an alternate (of sorts) Macbeth story (about the three witches) for Magpie Games, and by "finished" I mean it's bought and paid for and waiting to be published. (Yay!)

Next on my list is a different take on the "Snow White" tale for an anthology. The editor was interested in my pitch, now I just need to wow him with my writing. The deadline for this is Feb. 29th.

I also have to prepare and send in my application for the Clarion Writing Workshop. The deadline is March 1st. (I'll worry about where to get the money for it after I'm accepted, or not.)

And, I have a loose deadline for my novel-in-progress (March 31st) which is very important because there is a publisher interested in seeing the first draft when I complete it.

That's about it. Aside from still trying to find a place for "Graves" and "Threadbare".

Oh, and there has been some movement on the anthology that "My Mother's Revenge" is in, the Table of Contents has been posted and I'm guessing that the artwork will be revealed soon. I'll put up a link when it is published and available for purchase.